Four weeks before my due date I found out that I was measuring too big for the stage I was in. I was immediately sent for high resolution sonograms at UCSF in San Francisco which showed that our unborn baby had something called “Duadenal Atresia”.
Duadenal Atresia is a blockage in the intestines. In other words, instead of my baby swallowing amniotic fluid and having it go through the baby’s digestive system, he would swallow the fluid but it would come right back up, as the blockage did not allow anything to go through.I remember having a team of doctors surrounding me prior to being told about what new found information would change my life forever, and I will never forget the sheer terror in my heart and those tears that were so very hot slipping down my cheeks.
I remember being sent upstairs to a different department called “genetics”. I sat there looking out the window from the 28th floor looking at the cars driving by, people stopping at a fast food stand and others just chatting about everyday occurrences. The contrast of my world and everyone I saw down below was unbelievable.
There is no doubt that I saw miracles unfold and my faith and trust was born through my own labor of connecting to Hashem. Yet at that moment the loneliness was spiraling and so was my control over life which I used to enjoy thinking I had.
Well, of course this new term called “duadenal atresia” comes with a whole list of additional challenges and worries as we were soon to find out.
The next four weeks were an emotional rollercoaster as we met with specialists, doctors and surgeons. It was a blur of medical terms, testing and tears. It was also a time where I had to pull myself together and find strength and resolve to get through this challenge.
On the hebrew day of Beis Av, July 27th 2006 Chaim Boruch was born.
He weighed 6lbs 1 oz and was allowed to be in my arms momentarily until he was transferred to the NICU ward where our nightmare continued.
The feeling in my heart during those 9 days were comparable to shards of glass piercing through my heart. As every mother knows, seeing one’s child under such conditions is more than one can bare.
The tubes, the wires, the oxygen, the monitors, the beeping of machines were part of my child and all I wanted to do was take him out of this chaos and run away.
And holding my 12 hour old baby in my arms while a nurse sedated him was indescribable. Not one word could accurately describe the feelings and thoughts racing through me as my limp child was taken to the operating room.
Those long hours of waiting were filled with prayer and tears. Nothing else.
After his surgery we witnessed the slow progress of his recovery and I awaited the moment when I would be allowed to nurse my baby and go home.
The miracles were apparent every step of the way and the predictions of a 6 – 8 week recovery was miraculously changed to 9 days.
Not only did Chaim Boruch slowly regain his strength, but so did I…
Not only did each day allow him to dettach from wires and monitors, but so did I…
Not only did Chaim Boruch begin to see the world anew…but so did I…
We both left the the NICU ward different people…
Changed for life and ready for a special journey together.
(Sunday, December 19, 2010 at 08:32PM)