He was the first to greet me as we pulled into the driveway, his little face shining bright.
I called him over to peek inside the car, to glimpse his new baby brother, all of 12 hours old. And sure enough, he glanced briefly into the car seat, taking in the view of the cozy bundle of blue.
He shook his head and quickly turned to go back inside.
I had to hold back my tears. But I honored the space he would need to accept and love this beautiful addition to our family.
As I was greeted with hugs and excitement from the rest of our crew, Chaim Boruch kept his distance while keeping an eye on the scene. I knew to let things be, which was no easy task when all I really wanted was to know he was okay deep inside his little heart.
Did he understand and remember anything I shared with him for months prior, about the new baby?
I like to think he did.
Morning came, and so did all the kids, streaming into my room to take another look at their new sibling.
This time Chaim Boruch wasn’t too far behind.
I smiled a secret smile to myself. I knew that if I held on tight, the time would come.
That afternoon Chaim Boruch surprised me and entered the room, close enough to hear the baby’s newborn noises yet far enough to keep much-needed distance.
The moon and stars lit up the sky, and Chaim Boruch drifted off to sleep. I said Shema and prayed that with the dawn a new big brother would arise.
And sure enough, the following day Chaim Boruch climbed into my bed and took his first real look at this new little being. He looked at me with his thoughtful eyes, and I sent back a knowing look of understanding and love.
In a soft voice, I gently asked Chaim Boruch if he would like to hold his new baby.
And sure enough, that moment came.
A moment that bound our family together as a whole, as one.
A time of bonding, acceptance and pride, where all things wondrous and miraculous could happen, because space and respect were granted.
Chaim Boruch nodded his head in the affirmative, with the twinkle in his eyes that could light up the world. Gently I placed his baby brother in his arms, holding back much emotion and filling my heart with the warmth of the moment.
Within seconds my mind went to that faraway dreamland, where I pictured him being a loving father holding his own child . . .
And then my gaze fell back on the present. Where I was blessed to see him love and hold dear a new life. A new life born to our family.
And so too, Chaim Boruch was born anew. With pureness, acceptance, strength and love. A gift to the world.
How grateful I am for becoming a mother. Witnessing the miracle of life and living, of friendship and connection. Of two brothers, two souls. Where no difference exists between them.
Only the magnificent breath of sweet life.