Was it the appointment last week with the Geneticists at UCSF ?
Was is the recent discovery of Chaim Boruch’s new syndrome?
Was it the conversation I had always kept deep in my heart?
Or was is the “highly unlikely” gentle response to my pleading question?
In fact, I really only had two pressing questions.
One of them was “Can he learn how to speak?”
I still know in my heart that a miracle could happen.
I still know in my heart that he could really say something…anything….one day.
Today while we sat snuggled up, close at heart, enjoying the moment together, I looked into those deep beautiful smiling eyes.
But I was aching in my heart.
I was bursting with wonder. Wonder about what he was thinking. What he was feeling.
I sort of know that the ‘window’ of opportunity to speak has passed…but I am searching for more windows…
There must be more windows. I love windows. I need windows. I need to see the sun shine…the trees, flowers and birds…the stars, moon and clouds…even the vast darkness.
His little arms squeezed me tight and brought me back in…through the window.
I had drifted too far…too distant in thought, worry, wonder.
And now my Chaim Boruch lead me to my window of opportunity.
My window to my soul.
My window to love, love and love some more.
Deep, core, centered love.
Love without wonder. Love without worry. Love without words.