You know those moments when one of your little ones says something to you that seems to make the world stop.
It’s like a thick silence and sometimes all I can hear is ringing in my ears and the beat of my heart.
We were on our way to UCSF yesterday for a ‘routine’ appointment at the craniofacial clinic for a ‘routine’ 2 hour wait in a tiny old stuffy room.
In the car, I look through my rear view mirror to my Chaim Boruch who had his fingers in his mouth, with saliva dripping down his shirt.
Once in a while he does this, I think it is just his sensory awareness and growth, yet wish he would do this in the summer not as winter begins with all the lovely germs around!
Anyways…I kindly ask him to please take his fingers out of his mouth…which he does with a smile.
Then my 4 year old says to me:
“Mommy, why did you tell Chaim Boruch to take his fingers out of his mouth?”
To which I reply:
“Becasue it makes him all wet and we have to take him to an appointment.”
Then broken with the the sweet voice of a little brother he says:
“But Ma….HE is just ‘SPECIAL NEEDS’ you know!!”
Lucky I was at a red light…yet as I gripped my steering wheel even tighter, my heart felt so many emotions…
Grateful that my 4 year old is so senstive and kind hearted, sad for how hard things are sometimes, thankful that I was present to witness the gift of love and understanding, in the eyes of a four year old.
To my beloved little boys…
I will try harder to be the best mom.
I will be present to learn from you both…
but please understand…
I’m just a MOM you know…